Jealousy is an Energy
This week I’ve been translating parts of Yume no Hana or “Flower Dreams”, published in 1906.
A new theme emerges in this collection of poems, released when 28-year-old Akiko was married and a mother of two boys. The theme is jealousy. Akiko’s husband Hiroshi was messing around with one of their best friends. It was probably an open secret—they all knew what was going on, and although it tormented Akiko, the marriage survived.
Terrible
Is there no prison to shield my eyes
From what my love-cooled heart now can see?
おそろしき恋ざめごころ何を見るわが眼とらへむ牢舎は無きや
Knowing that Akiko struggled frequently with Hiroshi’s infidelity (this was neither the first nor the last time) makes her more real to me. Jealousy is a raw, terrible feeling. I have felt it, you probably have, too. Translating these tanka brings me back to that emotional place. It is explosive and angry. It made me feel ugly and mean. Even decades later, remembering the way I felt makes my ears burn. Jealousy can be destructive, but like most of our most intense emotions, it can also be insanely creative if we can channel it. For someone like Akiko, it was a flamethrower.
Earth
One mighty white lotus flower
Out of a vast snowscape
The sun rises
地はひとつ大白蓮の花と見ぬ雪の中より日ののぼる時
The “other woman” was Yamakawa Tomiko, a gifted writer of tanka poems, and one of Akiko and Hiroshi’s closest friends. She was from a wealthy family. Unlike Akiko, she was sweet, pretty, and obedient. When her family decided it was time for her to marry a prearranged partner, she did as she was told, even though she was in love with the handsome and talented Hiroshi (whose pen name was Tekkan, the “Iron Sword”). After intense poetic flirtations and even a threesome overnight stay in a hotel, Tomiko bowed out of the relationship, leaving Hiroshi to the less beautiful Akiko.
The story does not end there, however. Tomiko’s new husband was already ill with tuberculosis when she married him, and within a year, he was dead. Suddenly a young widow, Tomiko convinced her family to let her move to Tokyo to pursue training as a teacher. There she reunited with Hiroshi and Akiko, and for a brief time, the romance between Tomiko and Hiroshi was reignited. His poems filled with new love and passion. Akiko writes:
I saw your poem
Tears fall
Autumn rain filling cold gutters
歌を見てうつぼ柱に秋雨のつたふやうなる涙の落ちぬ
Imagine what it was like, not only to know that your husband is in love with your best friend, but to have the resulting poetry be published in a popular literary magazine for everyone to see. Bills had to be paid, after all, so they kept writing and publishing. In fact, all three believed it was their duty as poets to speak truthfully, despite pain and shame.
Night pillow
Red coral pin in my hair soaked with rain
Come back to me
夜のまくら赤き珊瑚にむら雨のふるとしきかば帰りこよ君
The story of Tomiko has a tragic ending. She had contracted tuberculosis from her husband, and died soon after, at age 29. For Akiko, this was in some ways the worst outcome, because Tomiko remained a ghost and a memory. As Akiko aged, and she and Hiroshi fought over money and family, Tomiko remained forever beautiful and young.
