Labor Pains

I’m not sure why I find Akiko’s poems about childbirth to be so compelling. Personally, I know little about it. My son was born by C-section 25 years ago. I had the benefit of anesthesia and good medical care.

But I am astonished when I think about the carnage, suffering, and mortal risk women have faced over the millennia to give life to all of us. Comparatively few have written about this life-affirming, traumatic experience, particularly not in Akiko’s time and place. She put into words what her sisters were too modest to say out loud.

Akiko gave birth to 13 babies and lost two of them. Most of the births took place at home, with midwives and no anesthesia. Her health declined with each birth, however, so at least three of her children born after 1911 were delivered in hospitals. In 1916, she wrote with relief about having anesthetic for the first time—but anesthesia didn’t improve her survival odds. Each time she faced delivery, she questioned in a very real way whether it would kill her. She was, as she says, alone, lying prostrate on the brink between life and death. The doctors were mere bystanders.

What I love about this poem is her disdain for the young doctor who tries to cheer her up. I’m sure he meant well, but he is lucky there were no projectiles within reach.

第一の陣痛                  

First labor pains

By Yosano Akiko


わたしは今日病んで居る。 Today, I am ill
生理的に病んで居る、 Physically ill
わたしは黙って目を開いて I lie on the birthing bed on my side, 
産前の床に横になって居る。Staring, wordless

なぜだらう、わたしは          Why is it that I,
度度たびたび死ぬ目に遭って居ながら、having looked death in the eye so many times,

痛みと、血と、叫びに慣れて居ながら、acquainted with pain, and blood, and screaming,

制しきれない不安と恐怖とに慄ふるへて居る。yet still I cannot stop trembling with fear.

若いお医者がわたしを慰めて、The young doctor comforts me,

生むことの幸福を述べた。Speaking of the joy of birth

そんな事なら私の方が余計に知って居る、But I know a lot more about it than he,

それが今なんの役に立たう。That does me no good right now.

知識も現実でない、Knowledge is not real,

経験も過去のものである。Experience also is a thing of the past.

みんな黙って居て下さい、Please everyone, hold your tongues,
みんな傍観者の位地を越えずに居て下さい。Remain in your places as bystanders

わたしは唯だ一人、I am alone,

天にも地にも唯だ一人、In heaven and on earth, I am alone,

じっと唇を噛みしめて Biting down hard on my tongue,

わたし自身の不可抗力を待ちませう。Just wait for me to see it through.

生むことは、現在、Giving birth, now,

わたしの内から爆ぜる Ripped from inside me,

唯だ一つの真実創造、This is the only true creation,

もう是非の隙も無い。For better or for worse, I cannot tell.

今、第一の陣痛・・・・・The first labor pains now,

太陽は俄に青白くなり、As the sun goes pale blue

世界は冷やかに鎮まる。The world quiets, goes cold,

さうして、わたしは唯だ一人・・・・・And I am alone.